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#109: The Root of All Evil
The deep anxieties of financial precarity and money-based PTSD
What if I can never pay off my student loans? What if I literally die in debt? These are the questions I am asking myself in this moment as I hold in my shaking hands yet another collection notice.
Money, it is said, is the root of all evil. I believe this to be true. It is also the root of my severe anxiety, the ever-present beast that whispers in my ear: Something bad is about to happen.
When you grow up in an environment of economic uncertainty, you develop coping mechanisms. Some people become workaholics; others, even when reaching a place of financial stability, either drastically overspend or underspend in response to the deeply held core belief that financial stability and abundance is not the norm for them. Sadly, as in many cases of financial PTSD, there is a fear that it will never be.
I envy those who move through life without the fear of not having enough. I wish I did not know what it was to beg a bank teller to reverse an overdraft fee because I simply did not have the money to pay it.
I wish I did not know the feeling of my credit card going to collections, the pain of being harassed almost daily by debt collectors while I try to stay on top of medical, student loan, and credit…
